how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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