its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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