i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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