I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
