Acid is not a monday night drug
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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