Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
