Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
