If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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