I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
