I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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