Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
