Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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