Can i not drive my cunt home
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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