Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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