so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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