Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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