I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
