dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
