Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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