With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
