So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
