i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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