now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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