Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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