I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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