i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
