do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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