then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
