Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
