i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
