you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
