dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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