I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
