She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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