I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
