RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
