Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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