oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
