We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
