I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
