it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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