so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
bring money and cleavage
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
