If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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