You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
