i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
