I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
