i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
