The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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