You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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