I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
