I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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