i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
