I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
